It has been a year since we left it all behind and started a new adventure in missions. I volunteered most of my time and energies, both physical and mental. I learned a lot and accomplished my goals.
Most of the year was hard work. Especially during the months before Halle started first grade. I was working full time, parenting full time, and homeschooling. I was going through a lot of spiritual healing stuff that didn’t seem like anything good was happening until it was all over. Looking back, I worked too hard, tried too hard to be a perfect mom, and didn’t stand up for my needs. It’s easy for a giving person to fall into this situation in any volunteer organization. Halle did do incredibly well in school this year, so I’m glad we worked during the summer. I was going to give her a well deserved break this summer, but she wants to keep studying. She spends most of her time reading, pretending, and playing math games. I’m glad to learn the lesson of balance now, before there is too much regret to live with.
Since my year of volunteering and training has been over, I managed to buy a vintage motorhome to live in and fix up. I spent two months just unpacking everything I experienced and learned, first with a lot of confusion and anguish, and then revelation and release. I knew I had to find healing from the damage and trauma my family and the court caused. I walked back through those doorways of pain, this time in a safe place, and was healed. It was major work. It was hell. It was messy and not fun. But even after all this, there was the physical side of things, which was of course deep depression and severe anxiety. I tried everything in my power to overcome, but it just got worse. I got to the point where I was totally overtaken by this prison of darkness. It was like the last battle, and it wasn’t going to be easy. Except it was. Through the darkness and isolation, two sweet friends invited me to a revival service I’d been following online at a local church I’m rather fond of. I felt very reclusive and really didn’t want to go. But for some reason, I did. I said it was for Halle, because she loves it there so much. But I knew there were healings taking place there every night. Within just a few minutes, someone spoke into the microphone about the previous night when people had been healed of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I thought to myself, “People have been healed of mental illness here.” And I believed it. Now, I was sitting in the back row (very unlike me) with my arms crossed, not believing a thing. Just cynical and hurt and despondant. I was hopeless. I was done. But I wasn’t really, because I was there. Well, the moment I believed someone else had been healed, I was healed. I suddenly felt emptyness where there had been heavyness the moment before. It wasn’t dramatic. But it was miraculous. It was as miraculous as a dead person being raised into life.
So now I’m healed of past trauma, healed of the consquences of so many years of being traumatized, and I’m in a safe, beautiful place with an abundance of wonderful people to spend life with. I’m going to spend the next few months having fun with Halle, seeing friends as much as possible, working on my motorhome, and working to save money for missions. I just started my Mary Kay business again, and I will continue in school to get an ESL (English as a Second Language, for teaching English in primarily English speaking countries, like to refugees) and TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language, for teaching in non-English speaking countries) certifications. It is an incredibly affordable way to work, both paid and volunteer, anywhere in the world, in every possible application. I’ll be able to work in impoverished nations where there’s many lifetimes of work to be done, in wealthy societies where displaced peoples are seeking refuge from war or famine, or even in resort towns for a change of scenery. My goal is to work my businesses and enjoy life in the U.S. and be able to work 6 months out of each year somewhere overseas teaching English and working with NGO’s. It really isn’t about money or the English language, but building bridges, learning, and networking. My heart and my passion is to empower women so they can empower their children and their families, so their nations can be empowered. It’s such a blessing and a huge privilege to able to learn and work, to have these opportunities, to have our needs met, and to be able to enjoy it. I think I’ve been stressed so for long that it takes work to enjoy life, but I’m learning.
I’m hoping that next year I’ll have the funds to do an internship for teaching. Possible locations could be Poland, Czech Republic, India, China, Thailand, or South Korea. Living in East Texas for so long, I’d love to spend some time in a place that’s not hot and sticky! Working with refugees in Europe would be wonderful, but so would teaching orphans in Haiti. I will go where I feel like there’s a great need and the opportunity to gain experience.
If you’d like to contribute to my mission, you can contact me directly or PayPal me at firstname.lastname@example.org